


momentary absences

by exurbia



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Engagement, Light Angst, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Post-Canon, this isnt even that angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-25
Updated: 2016-12-25
Packaged: 2018-09-12 03:45:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9053890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/exurbia/pseuds/exurbia
Summary: Yuuri woke up one morning to the lack of a warm body beside him and the absence of the ring on his right hand.orOne fear in two souls of three words





	

**Author's Note:**

> how tf do you write titles mdudes

Viktor hugged Yuuri after his performance, laughing and murmuring, "I can't believe it, oh God, that was amazing." Yuuri grinned into Viktor's embrace, content and warm. He felt Viktor let up on the pressure that he was holding him with and slowly whisper, "Ah, I love you" as he lay his head on Yuuri's shoulder.

Yuuri froze.

He knew Viktor loved him, he was confident about it, but sometimes he succumbed to his insecurities, wondering why Viktor loved him and when Viktor would fall out of love with him. Their "romance" was too whirlwind and it progressed so fast that he was always afraid it would also crumble just as fast.

Viktor noticed Yuuri's stiff stance and pulled back, giving him a slightly confused look, and that was when he saw Yuuri's expression. Yuuri knew what expression Viktor could see on him, even if he wasn't trying to do it consciously.

The "deer-caught-in-headlights" expression. The one he wore when he's scared he would mess up his performance in some way. The one he wore when he's scared of what would happen in his program. The one he wore when he's scared that Viktor might leave his side.

Viktor gently held Yuuri's face, and slowly told him, "I do love you, I really do. You know that, right?"

Yuuri went to say it back, but that was when his throat stopped working. It was like a wad of gum had been shoved down his throat and was choking his words back. He'd loved Viktor for so long, it was sewn into every muscle in his body; it had been ingrained into his very being.

"I--" He couldn't bring himself to say it, and his vision blurred as his eyes fill up. He let Viktor hold him close as he wrapped his arms tighter around him, whispering, "You don't have to say it back. It's okay."

~

Yuuri knew how Viktor was. He'd watched him long enough. Watched how he moved as smoothly among his fans as he did on the ice. Watched as he landed deals as skilfully as he landed his jumps. Watched as he handled the media as expertly as he handled his body.

Yuuri knew how Viktor was. He'd known him long enough. Affectionate, forward, bold.

None of which Yuuri was. Sheltered, shy, timid. That was what made him wonder why Viktor fell in love with him, and when he would fall _out_ of love with him. Because Viktor seemed to catch everything shiny that came his way, be it a gold medal or a golden opportunity, and let it drop upon seeing the next glint of promise.

He wondered when he would be dropped that way; when his gold-foil heart would be cast aside like that.

~

Yuuri woke up one morning to the lack of a warm body beside him. He didn't think much of it, stretching his arms and bringing them down to pat the bed beside him. He noticed two things at the same time; the lonely chill of the expanse of the bed, and the absence of the ring on his right hand. Yuuri immediately began to panic.

Maybe Viktor woke up early? No, Yuuri never felt the warmth of Viktor's arms around him last night, never felt that hard chest against his back as Viktor's breath puffed softly against his neck.

Maybe he left his ring in the bathroom? No, Yuuri never took his ring off. He could call it a good-luck charm all he wanted. But to him, it was the only tie of his fragile heart to Viktor's love.

He spent three hours looking for it, combing every nook and cranny in the house to find that bright band of gold. He never found it.

The sun set and Yuuri took his headphones off to listen for any sign that Viktor had probably returned home. It was the first day in a long time he'd felt _this_  lonely.

~

It had been two days and all Yuuri knew was that Viktor was at his parents' house. Not because Viktor picked up his calls or messaged him to tell him so. Just because Yuuri happened to check his Instagram and saw a picture of Viktor with his parents.

 _Well, I'm glad he's enjoying,_ smiled Yuuri sadly, as he kept his phone aside, tucking his knees in under his chin.

The only things that would comfort him in times like these were a piping hot bowl of _katsudon_ or a good run. He got off the couch and walked to their ( _no, now it's only his_ ) room, fishing a pair of tracks and a jacket out of his cupboard to change into for a run.

 _Viktor would never let me eat that katsudon_ , laughed Yuuri weakly to himself, trying not to let his tears get into Makkachin's fur as he put a leash around her neck and bent down to tie his own shoes.

"Well, at least you're here. If not anyone, _you_  love me, right Makkachin?"

She barked at him, licking his face and trying to push him down to the floor. Yuuri halfheartedly chuckled, "Easy, girl," and wiped his face with a tissue, Makkachin's drool and his tears mingling as he cleaned them off and opened the door of their ( _no, now it's only his_ ) room and left.

As he jogged down the familiar path to the park, he let the music direct his thoughts, letting them flit to those times that they realised they were steadily falling for each other, but not slowly. It was all too easy, too perfect. Viktor was too wonderful, too forward, too in-love right off the bat. It didn't quite _fit_. 

But he took it, he took it all like a man starved of love, when he never had been starved of love.

Maybe he needed this.

He stopped running for a bit, holding his knees, slightly sick in his mouth as he panted, head swimming. He realised he'd stopped at the same bridge he was running over to Viktor and Yurio for his first time sightseeing just a few months back. He did like Russia. It was a nice place.

But everything was touched by Viktor.

~

Maybe he needed to be left like this, in shambles, to be picked up by yet another person who loved him the way Viktor had.

And left him.

Maybe he needed someone to pick his broken spirit up like Viktor had.

And break it again subtly.

Maybe he needed to see that he was never starved of love but fed so much of it by everyone around him that when a new flavour came around, it was all he craved.

He had his family, he had Minako-sensei, he had Yuuko and Takeshi, he had Phichit. Maybe he needed to face this bitter-sweet truth. He'd live with it. It would be okay.

He continued jogging, trying to contain the bile within him.

He sat down on the bench under the large oak tree Viktor liked to sit under. It was a lovely, aged tree and Yuuri couldn't help the pained smile that adorned his face as he looked up at it, remembering the times Viktor had playfully pushed him against the tree and kissed him repeatedly just to...

"... to make me sick, yeah, I know you're both _disgusting_ , you don't need to keep thinking about it, piggy," came a disgruntled voice to his left. Yurio seated himself next to him and was looking up at the darkening sky, lost in his own thoughts, hands stuffed in his jacket pockets.

"I didn't see you here! It's been so long, Yurio," cried Yuuri, a little surprised. Even looking at the boy, he couldn't help the pain throbbing through him, at the thought of how much he was touched by Viktor while maintaining his own stand.

Rebellious, beautiful, angelic, talented, graceful. They both were everything Yuuri would never be.

_So why me, Viktor?_

"You look like you're about to cry again, what happened?" asked Yurio as he turned to him. Yuuri couldn't help his slight wince at Yurio's tone, despite knowing that the boy was genuinely concerned, his face softening involuntarily to show as much.

"Have you seen Viktor?" Yuuri asked, trying to sound casual.

"No," replied Yurio, a bit too quickly, but Yuuri payed it no mind, settling for a curse instead, watching Yurio's eyebrows draw up towards his hair.

"Well, that's a surprise, don't taint that sugar-sweet mouth now," chuckled Yurio, voice laced with concern.

"He left me Yurio," whispered Yuuri, hands clenching on his knees.

"Excuse me?" laughed Yurio. Yuuri couldn't help himself as tears slowly dripped down his face. He tried to stop them. He really did.

"I woke up this morning again to no Viktor, no ring, bed cold, no messages. What did I do wrong, Yura? Is it me? Am I that boring?"

"Are you fucking kidding me?" choked Yurio, sounding half-surprised at the nickname and half-surprised at Viktor's behaviour.

"I mean, I knew it was probably about time he fell out of love with me, but Yura, I want him back," Yuuri whispered, almost to himself.

"Fell out of love, Jesus, is that even a thing?" mumbled Yurio. "Yuuri. Calm down. He probably just left the house for a while," said Yurio aloud, placing his hand on Yuuri's shoulder awkwardly, clearly not knowing how to physically comfort the man.

How pathetic was he, that he needed comfort from a 16 year old. That he needed a 16 year old to tell him he was overreacting.

_I'm worse than I thought. No wonder he left me._

"And took my ring?" asked Yuuri.

"Erm, maybe to polish it?" supplied Yurio unhelpfully.

"That ring was just over five to six months old," cried Yuuri.

"Erm..." Yurio seemed to look around him, trying to find an answer, unable to find one. He glanced down at his watch.

 _Am I really boring him that much? Oh God,_  thought Yuuri and got up to leave.

"Sorry for bothering you, Yura," he smiled.

"You know what?" Come for a walk with me," offered Yurio.

"I'm sorry, what?" asked Yuuri. Yurio never asked him on "casual walks", so he was sure he'd misheard him.

"Walk with me. I'll walk Makkachin. You need to get shit off your mind," said Yurio as he pried the leash from Yuuri's tightly clenched fists. Yuuri smiled a little, relaxing and wiping away the drying tear tracks that had flown down to his chin.

"Alright."

Maybe he needed this. Maybe he needed some tough love from Yurio, have someone put him back together and seal them with some familial glue, and not romantic tape ( _what sort of metaphor was that,_ he thought, mentally slapping himself)

"You're a fucking idiot, you know that right?" said Yurio right away as they walked down the cobbled stones around the periphery.

"I know," said Yuuri, acknowledging his idiocy.

"No, I mean, you know Viktor loves you right?" questioned Yurio, looking skeptical.

"I _knew_ it. But I don't anymore," sighed Yuuri.

"Jesus, is this what being apart for a few days does to lovers? _Sign me the fuck up_ , said no one ever," grumbled Yurio.

"Sure, that's why you're always cranky without Otabek around and our lovely boy when he is," teased Yuuri, his heart physically hurting as he said "our".

"That has nothing to do with this," growled Yurio, despite the slight flush to his ears and cheeks.

Yuuri giggled, thinking back to when he kept denying it too.

"He took my ring too, though, Yurio," continued Yuuri. "It's like he didn't even want to leave evidence of what we were behind."

"Do you, though?" asked Yurio, glancing at him.

"Do I what?" asked Yuuri, tilting his head in confusion.

"I don't know. Love him, or whatever," replied Yurio, dismissively shaking his hand in the air like he didn't believe in the concept.

"Immensely," came back Yuuri immediately.

"Then?" Yurio asked as they turned a bend towards the park's amphitheater.

"I wish I'd told him that," murmured Yuuri.

"Wait, what?" Yuuri stopped to look at Yurio, and saw him standing a couple of steps away, eyes widened in disbelief.

"Biggest regret. For all the times, he's said it, I've never been able to say it," shrugged Yuuri, coming clean.

"Is this a fucking joke, Katsuki?" asked Yurio, his eyes narrowing. Yuuri shook his head. He thought back to the hundreds of times Viktor has said it.

The times they shared silent little close-lipped kisses in the early morning, Viktor whispering it into his hair.

The times when Yuuri did something and Viktor would laugh and say "God, I love you so much."

The times when Yuuri's insecurities would catch up to him and Viktor would hold him tight and whisper, "I don't care, please, I love you."

The times when Viktor would whisper it in between slow rolls of his hips, voice cracking between erratic thrusts.

The times when Yuuri would comfort Viktor as he cried into his neck, whispering muffled "I'm so lucky to have you, do you know how much I love you"s into his hair.

For all these times, Yuuri never said it back once, either replying with "Me too" or "Yeah". He couldn't explain the block he felt when he tried to say it.

He snapped back to reality as Yuuri clapped in his face, disbelief still written all over his face. He didn't know when they had walked on, but they were in the amphitheater, seated on the steps. He pulled Yurio close to him, and cried into his hair, ignoring how unreceptive Yurio was.

"I'm scared of losing him if I say it," he stated, surprised at himself for figuring it out. Yurio rubbed his back awkwardly and detached himself from him, turning him to the arena and simply saying, "Why don't you say it to the man himself?"

Yuuri turned to the arena, confused, his face falling and spirits lifting when he saw the immaculate, beautiful man in the middle of the arena.

His grey hair slowly caressing his face in the wind, his trench-coat perfect over his suit and polished boots. He was an angel.

A stark contrast to Yuuri's red cheeks, swollen eyes, and muddled up tracks jacket. Yuuri didn't deserve this beautiful man. He fully deserved having that ring taken away.

He walked down the steps, tears still streaming down his face slowly. He carefully stepped up to him and choked out, "I'm sorry." He didn't even know what he was apologizing for.

Probably everything, really. From how he grew chubbier when he he stress-ate, to how he cried so easily. From how plain he looked, to how shy he was. Everything was wrong here. Maybe he did need to let go. He never did deserve such a perfect human being.

"For what, _dorogoy_?"

"For... me."

"You're perfect."

Viktor's hand caressed Yuuri's face softly, trying to brush the tears away.

"I'm not."

"Why do you think so?"

"Why would you leave me then?"

"I didn-"

"Vitya, it's okay. You're bored of me. I get it. It's okay."

"How could I ever be bored of you, love?"

The nickname pierced through Yuuri's heart, leaving a sharp sting in its wake.

"Why would you leave me? Why weren't you home? Why did you take my ring?"

"Lov-"

"Viktor, I know how easy it is for you to say that, but maybe one last time, before I regret it, I maybe just want to tell you something."

"What is it, love?"

His heart soared even as it shattered at Viktor's casual use of the word for him. He took a deep breath.

"I love you Viktor. I do. So much. I always have, and you know I always will. And I don't regret it. I regret boring you and making you waste your time with me, sure. But I don't regret loving you. This all sounds so clichéd and stupid but I'm sorry I can't stop. Maybe it'll take a while, but it's okay beca-"

Yuuri was stopped short by strong arms encircling his shoulders, squeezing him tight and almost choking the air out of him.

"Thank you," he heard whispered against his shoulder, muffled as Viktor pressed his face in, as he felt damp seeping through it.

Viktor pulled back, still holding Yuuri by the shoulders. "Please never think I'm leaving you again. Please. I'm sorry I worried you, love. But," Viktor stepped away from Yuuri, shaking his sleeve down.

"Vitya? Do you ne-" said Yuuri, reaching out before Viktor dropped on a knee and, with obviously practiced ease, flipped open a small box, revealing a gold band with a small dent on the side that Yuuri recognised, oddly similar to the one he made on his own when he accidentally knocked it against his skate's toe pick.

It couldn't be his, not with the inlaid blue topaz he knew he couldn't afford when they went to St. Petersburg.

"I'm sorry I scared you like that, but I just wanted to make it urgent and as much of a surprise as possible and I didn't know how and God, I had to bargain with the guy all night to cut the order down to a few days and-"

"VIKTOR!" Yuuri distantly heard Yurio yell, his mind still spinning and taking in the sight before him.

"Right, um, Yuuri I've always loved you. I have, and you know that. I've meant every single one I've told you. I've meant the ones that I haven't even said out loud, the ones I thought all the time we trained in Hasetsu, the one I couldn't scream in front of the cameras when we kissed, the ones I couldn't whisper in front of the other coaches when the media were around."

The ringing in Yuuri's head wouldn't stop.

"The ones when I walked in on you making _syrniki_ for breakfast. Every single one. And I want to be the only one to ever tell you "I love you" the way I mean it. Would you let me be that one, my love?"

Yuuri almost sank to the ground as Viktor's fingers held the ring tentatively back against his finger, waiting. A tear drop fell onto the topaz, making its surface glint the brightest of blues in the rays of the setting sun as he barely whispered, "Yes."

He felt the weight of the stone move over his knuckles as Viktor slid it on, falling to his knees, ignoring the dull pain as his bones hit the concrete, and wrapping his hands around Viktor's neck as he cried.

"Please tell me you got one for yourself too."

"Of course, love."

Yuuri didn't feel that all-too familiar dull twang of pain at the word, instead feeling a warm rush to his heart.

He took the gold ring from Viktor, admiring the smoky quartz resting atop its surface, and carefully slid it on to a slender finger. It set such a beautiful contrast against Viktor's marble-like skin. It was perfect.

"Yuuri," whispered Viktor, tilting his head up with his fingers against his chin. He reached up and met Viktor, their lips melding softly into a chaste kiss, sighing as they pulled back, and reaching for more.

He loved this man, and for some reason, this man loved him back. He smiled as he continued pressing his lips against Viktor's, only pulling away when they finally started paying attention to the retching sounds Yurio was making, the boy altogether forgotten in the moment.

"Congratulations, you sickos," grumbled Yurio as he walked towards them, tucking his phone back into his pocket and handing Viktor's back to him.

He looked over at the rings, looking between them, at Yuuri and Viktor, back at the rings and groaned, "You cheesy fuckers, I swear to god," shaking his head. Yuuri didn't understand and apparently, neither did Viktor.

Yurio seemed to sense their confusion and looked at them, bemused, and said, "You literally got rings the colours of each other's eyes, what the fuck."

Viktor stared down at his ring for a moment and laughed, "I didn't realize that. I just took the one that I thought would look most beautiful on Yuuri and the stone that looked the next prettiest for myself."

"You've got to be kidding me, oh my god. And why'd you even take these old ass rings to make bloody engagement rings anyway?" Yurio cried. It was something that perplexed Yuuri too.

"I told everyone they were our engagement rings, but Yuuri meant it as a good luck charm. So I thought I'd change what the ring meant to Yuuri if I kept it the same but also made it slightly different in a way," piped Viktor. Yuuri couldn't help bursting into laughter at that. Of course, Viktor would do something like this.

"God, I love you so much," he snickered as he watched Yurio trudge away mumbling to himself, and looked over to see Viktor freeze and turn slowly towards him.

"Say it again. Please?" asked Viktor.

"I love you," said Yuuri, more confident, and found himself engulfed in yet another hug and pulled away after a few moments, hands still around Viktor's middle, to see red eyes and tears of happiness flowing down Viktor's face.

"I thought you didn't love me for so long. Or that you were frightened. It scared me so much," said Viktor.

"I _was_ scared Viktor. Not of loving you but of losing you if I told you I loved you because maybe you didn't love me as much."

"Never. Oh God never," said Viktor, hugging him again.

"ARE YOU DONE FEELING EACH OTHER UP? LET'S GET A MOVE ON VIKTOR YOU STILL OWE ME TWO _MILLE-FEUILLE_ ," yelled Yurio from the edge of the amphitheater.

"For what?" Yuuri asked, confused.

"Oh um nothi-"

"THE FUCKER THOUGHT YOU MIGHT SAY NO BECAUSE YOU PROBABLY WEREN'T IN LOVE WITH HIM," interrupted Yurio, giving a short bark of laughter at the end.

Yuuri laughed, and felt Viktor relax by him. "Come on then, I think I deserve some celebratory _mille-feuille_ too," chuckled Yuuri, dragging Viktor behind him, feeling the quartz on Viktor's finger slide against his thumb.

The same one fear in two souls. All it took was three words to dispel it. Yuuri smiled to himself.

"I love you," he whispered softly, feeling the weight on his heart lift.

They'd be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> im sorry you had to suffer through this shit i really can't fluff


End file.
